Today has been shit. Actually laughably shit. One of those days were I actually have to laugh otherwise I’d cry. To be fair some of the escapades of today have been quite funny and I have no doubt tomorrow I will laugh about it. But right now, this evening I am quite frankly pissed off.
We are never meant to say these things are we. That we’re pissed off, at the end of our tether, actually on the verge of tears over things that in the grand scheme of things really don’t matter but in that moment it’s the end of the world. There’s so much we’re not meant to say, for fear of looking like a bad Mum, but I bet we all think them. We’ve all been there.
Let me talk you through my day, and see if anyone dares ask a Mum again “what do you do all day”.
So after a two feed night, we were up at 6.30am. Standard for us, manageable. But this was no typically easy going morning because we needed to be in the city for 9; I had the opticians, and I wanted to go absolutely wild (note sarcasm) beforehand and treat myself in Primark.
As always baby had other ideas. I managed to get him to eat breakfast, and usually he’d go for a nap around 8.30/9 for an hour or so, before which I’d nurse him for a bit. My master plan was to nurse him before we left and then he could sleep in the car on the journey. Of course being my belligerent child he had no interest in nursing. Seeing as he’d had a big breakfast I wasn’t too fussed I figured I’d feed him when I got to the city. Bag packed, ready to leave…. and that familiar aroma that our beloved babies produce filled the air. One extraordinarily green filled nappy later, changed, and out the door we went. And as I had hoped he had a sleep on the journey. Winning. There was me feeling all smug that we’d got out the house by 8.30…..
So we get to the city, and I took Josh to the feeding rooms that the mall has (bloody fabulous by the way, it’s always so good when you find places that have feeding facilities). It’s super hot today so I was rocking a cute backless summer dress; no bra necessary which kind of helped the quick need to feed. But Josh decided that an approximate 27 second feed (I mean, what was the fucking point) was all he needed. Safety strapped back in to his buggy, I proceeded to do up the side zip on my dress…. and failed. It was stuck, unzipped, right down by my waist. At first I was tugging at it, trying to pull it up, but I could feel the panicky sweaty palms, so thought “wait a second, calm down, don’t panic, it’ll do back up”….. so I waited, tried again and it didn’t…….
Now I was panicked. After a further 5 minutes of trying, and noticing the snag in the zipper, I knew I had no chance of it doing back up. I had two choices; Josh and I could set up home in the feeding room in the mall, or I was going to have to make a run for it. There was a New Look at the other end of the mall (standard; all the shops in between were full of tat, suitcases and bloody pictures). So I pulled the dress together and held it in place with my arm pressed against my side, grabbed the buggy with the other hand, and made a dash for it. Head down, full of shame, and a seemingly knowing son who had a grin on his face in the buggy, I put super power-walkers to shame on my New Look mission. I was almost there when some bloke trying to flog some crap tried to stop me “have you got a second madam”…. I think I gave off some kind of get the fuck away from vibe particlarly as I said No and shot past him as he backed off. Thank God for the New Look sale rail; I quickly found a £9 dress in the sale, which saved the day, explained my disaster to the lovely sales assistant (who tried not to laugh but couldn’t hold it in) and changed in their fitting rooms.
Disaster fixed. Bear in mind, by now it was only 9.30am…….
So here’s a little snap shot of the rest of our day:
- had an opticians appointment, in a well known national opticians, money coming out their arses…. no lift in their store! Tools! Managed to sweet talk some 20 year old lad into carrying the buggy upstairs for me. Josh was actually pretty well behaved during the appointment so I can’t really complain.
- Drove home, full of hope baby boy would fall asleep. It seems my life revolves around naps….after being quite grateful to be stuck in traffic for an additional half hour (something I was glad for as it meant Josh slept longer) we got home
- Home; change nappy, strip baby down cause it’s so sodding hot, place poor child in baby jail, unload dishwasher, unload washing machine and hang up washing, prepare Joshs lunch
- Feel smug at making Josh homemade Cauliflower Cheese. Feel less smug when he launches most of it on the floor.
- After a good hour of play time (during which I even managed to eat my own lunch; goals!) we went to see a friend for a cuppa and a play date. Nearly melt in 5 second walk across the road cause it’s SO STUPIDLY HOT (FYI I used to love the hot weather. Now I hate it; has the baby got suncream on, constant fear he’s dehydrating even though I pour water down his neck every 30 seconds, the fact I can never cool down our weirdly hot house). Gone are the days of enjoying a cheeky cuppa and a catch up with Mummy friends; we spent most of our time going “No” to the babies as they tore across the room, avoiding every toy we’d lovingly spent a fortune on and instead trying to eat our shoes, remote controls and anything that looked vaguely dangerous. It’s highly likely that as he gets older my child is more likely to respond to “No”, “careful”, or “not that” rather than Josh!
- After an hour I could see Josh was shattered. Nap time. Two choices; face the inevitable fight he’d put up and get him to sleep all of 20 minutes in his cot, or quickly nurse him then put him the car and drive around for 45 minutes knowing full well he’d fall asleep in seconds…. car it is.
- Josh fell asleep in seconds, Mummy necks an iced coffee, sings all of todays summer mix on Radio 1, and tells herself baby being in an air conditioned car is far better than a hot bedroom!
- After a successful nap, and an event free trip to Morrisons (all I do is go to Supermarkets, I should have shares. They have all my money! Bastards) we get home. It’s boiling. Decide to shun our usual bedtime routine, and chuck (not literally) Josh in a cool bath before dinner to try and cool him down. It works he loves it… he’s in a good mood…. then it all goes wrong!
- Try to feed him dinner. It’s obviously a boring concept to him. He eats some of course, but then decides it’s much more fun to launch it, clamp his mouth shut, and basically kick off. Of course his mango rice pudding dessert goes down a treat. I tell myself at least he’s eaten something.
- The magic 30 minutes; time for In The Night Garden! It’s some creepy shit, but my boy loves it! And I get that guaranteed half hour to clean (that’s fun), cook (hubby is out tonight) and get Josh’s room ready for sleeps! But tonight screaming (Josh, not me – yet) is far more fun.
- My magic half hour is shot to shit. I am subjected to an hour and a half of screaming,whinging and no matter how much I feed him, the second I put him in that cot he screams, cries and sits up (so glad I encouraged him to learn that… not)!
- I try nursing… again….. he happily feeds, stops happily, calmly, content. I put him in the cot…. he screams.
- I try teething granules (normally ALWAYS works), cuddles, a story, more feeding – even off shit boob – nothing works. I try calpol, poor teething bub takes it, then continues to scream.
- Hubs gets an absolute earful via text of me having a complete meltdown and needing to take my stress out on someone (unspoken rules of marriage; allow your other half to go a bit bat shit crazy now and then)!
- Eventually my poor baby settles and I manage to watch 15 minutes of Emmerdale whilst eating my dinner at the speed of light in case he wakes again. He hasn’t and so I cease my chance to blog. Also text Hubs again apologising for epic text rant.
And here we are…. that’s my day. Yes it’s laughable to a point. Yes it’s hectic. Yes every single one of you yummy mummies reading this has had one of these days. But do you know what, even reading this back it is a borderline easy day in terms of chores; I didn’t really do any house work or cleaning today – something I normally seem to be constantly doing! So factor in the fact that I’d usually be doing that too on top of all these daily challenges, of which I have no idea are going to be thrown at me each day.
So next time someone, anyone dares says to you “what do you do all day” or “staying at home must be so easy and nice”, give them this little insight. Because it’s not that easy! It is fucking hard work! The guilt I felt tonight when Josh wouldn’t settle was horrible. I was losing the plot; I had tried everything and to be honest I’m normally pretty lucky, he settles fairly quickly. I was so tired, pissed off and thought all I want to do is eat and have a shower; genuine day to day things we take for granted pre baby. Hubs was out for the evening so I was obviously immediately angry at him. Poor guy, he got an expletive filled text as I told him I was losing the plot. Once I started writing this , I calmed down (thank God for writing; it soothes my soul) messaged Hubs to reassure him the plot had not been lost and had the chance to reflect on my day.
Some days are easier than others. Some are fun. Some are testing. Some are shit. Every day though is a gift. I wanted a baby for so long, and I value every day with him, no matter how difficult it may be. And yes, these shitty testing days are the ones you look back on and eventually laugh about. But rest assured, us Mummies aren’t sat at home all day watching daytime TV, or seeing friends for carefree coffees. We’re working, bloody hard, to keep this tiny person alive, safe, happy, fed and watered. We aren’t paid financially. But we are rewarded every day with love, smiles and cuddles from our babies.
I hope this post makes you smile, or at least sign a bit of relief that you’re not the only one who’s sometimes fed up, tired or feeling alone. And tomorrow you’ll laugh about the shit day. You’ll forget it, and you’ll be primed and ready for the next crazy, hectic day life throws at you.
Lots of Love xx