Poo Gate!!

Hi Everyone,

It has been the most gorgeous sunny weekend! It’s so lovely living near the seaside when it’s like this!

So in the spirit of making the most of the weather, we joined friends yesterday at a lovely local farm park, to celebrate our friends baby’s birthday. I was all excited getting Josh dressed in his cute summery outfit apart from one little bit of fear…. one that I am sure all Mum’s have felt whilst risking dressing their baby in a particularly cute outfit….. what if he has a poonami!!!

My delightful little boy had not gone for a poo since Monday – 5 Days people!!! As each day passed my fear for the enormousness of the impending poo was increasing. He’s done this before, gone a fair few days without a poo, and when he finally has gone it’s been a complete disaster!!! So I knew I was playing with fire but his little outfit was so cute I dressed him and forgot all about my poo fear (God I didn’t even know that was a thing until I had Josh)!

So we got to the farm park, got the buggy out, and I went to get Josh out of his car seat. First of all I want to point out I was wearing a gorgeous new white top I’d been saving especially for a hot summery day. But as soon as I lifted Josh out I felt the dreaded and familiar damp warmness of a poo explosion! Husband was about as much use as a chocolate teapot as he just got the giggles seeing the look on my face saying “he’s finally gone for a poo and he’s leaked”! The giggles then increased when I looked down and could see that the dreaded poonami had proceeded to leak all over my beautiful new white (what the f**k was I thinking wearing that)!!

With the poo just seeming to increase I then had to figure out what the bloody hell to do! I couldn’t put him in the buggy or back in the seat thanks to the leakage, so I had no choice but to carry him (my top, my poor top) to the toilets to change him. So off I went trying to tell myself it wouldn’t be that bad. Yeah right. It was a pretty basic bathroom and the baby change was by the sinks so everyone washing their hands could see what I was dealing with. Of course I proceeded to try and remain cool, as though I knew what I was doing and was a seasoned pro. But to my horror this poo was without a doubt the biggest Josh has ever done! It was even in his socks. Finally after many amused but also sympathetic looks from people in the bathroom I managed to change Josh into fresh clothes and took him out to his Dad and our friends who had since arrived.  Now it was just me who was covered in shit!!!!!! I trundled back into the bathroom to try and clean my top but it was pretty hopeless so I gave up.

As I went back out and joined everyone, seeing my friends faces trying to contain their giggles, I had to laugh. This was it; motherhood! It’s what I always wanted, to be a Mum, and take on all the calamities that come with it! And this was it, surrounded by my friends and their kids, covered in poo and, as it turned out later that day, puke!! Serves me right for wearing that white top! It’s true; everything changes. Before we left that morning, it wasn’t the simple get up, shower, dress, leave routine. Those days are long gone. Josh is only five months but it was still chaos; I’ve quickly learnt the importance of taking more than one of everything; clothes, muslins, dribble bibs, and of course nappies. Many many nappies!!!! And thank god I’ve quickly learnt that lesson cause there was the need for many yesterday. And of course you forget things and have to run back inside a number of times before you actually leave!

Yep being a mother can be chaos; you rarely get to drink a hot cup of tea (but sometimes miracles happen like today when I actually did – winning at Sundays), you will more often than not have stains down your top, and quite possibly a bit of sick in your hair, you will pack enough stuff in your car for a night away at the in laws that it will look more like you’re going to Florida for a week, and you will have those evenings when you’ve had a hellish day of the baby crying for no apparent reason which will result in you sneakily having a glass of sauvignon as soon as the baby is asleep, then feeling mummy guilt for doing. You will decide to treat yourself to a long hot bath only to fret after 15 minutes and think you should get out. You will paint your nails and the baby will wake the second you’ve done them. And your baby will always wake the second you’ve sat down to eat dinner.  It’s definitely not easy and at times it is frustrating. But oh my God it’s worth it. You get to the point sometimes where you have to laugh cause if you didn’t you’d cry. You might be exhausted, you might be grumpy, you might be covered in shit in public for an entire day, you might have your baby throw up directly into your mouth when you’re playing airplanes with them.

So don’t look on with envy at the other mummies thinking they’d never have to walk around with poo all over their nice white top; chances are they already have done!! We’ve all been there. There is no such thing as the perfect mum. But there is such a thing as being an amazing mum, a fun mum, a loving mum who takes on motherhood and all the shit thats thrown at you (or pooed on you ) happily! You’re writing your own story as a mother;make it a fun one and make sure you laugh every day even when you’re frustrated and want to swear and lose your shit….. cause you’ll only find it on your own top 😉

Impossible to be irritated with that little face

A huge thank you to Pudding and Chops for the fantastic and very amusing milestone cards!! Be sure to check out their website

*If you enjoyed this post, and I really hope you did, I’d love it you would vote for me in the 2016 MAD Blog Awards for which I am a finalist in the category of Best Baby Blog. You can find all the details here

Thank you for reading ❤ xoxo